Versus
Yesterday, my Dad finally declared war on the family stapler. This happened only after he tired finally of the stapler's uppity shenanigans. Now in all fairness to the stapler, it is in fact a decade or so old, so in one sense it's allowed to be a little crochety from time to time. However, months ago that almost endearing trait crossed over into the realms of "Just plain malicious & capricious."
Sometimes it would let you staple your papers together. Sometimes it wouldn't fire any staples into the paper. And then sometimes it would be capricious and freeze in mid-staple. Thusly you have only part of the staple lodged in the paper, and the stapler stuck in its "firing" position, which makes it a tasking effort to wrench the entrapped staple out. Typically, this requires the use of one's teeth to yank the staple out and return the stapler to its original, non-offending position.
Which brings us to the events of last evening. All my Dad wanted was to staple a pack of guitar chord song sheets together. The stapler, it appears, had a disagreement with him. It did not want those sheets stapled together, and went out of its way to show its intentions to my Dad. Eight times in a row.
After the 8th failed attempt to staple the sheets together (all of which required my Dad to make considerable effort in prying the staple out and returning the stapler back to normal), my Dad began to voice his frustrations to the stapler by slamming it against the armrest of the chair. From what I gather, it was right about then that the stapler bit him in retaliation.
From there on in, things got ugly. My Dad did not take too well to the stapler head swinging up and trying to staple his forearm. So he threw the stapler down at the base of the desk. The stapler suffered minor injuries, and has left an impressive gouge along one of the desk legs in the process. Seemingly, my Dad had bested the stapler and subjugated it to his will.
He tried to staple his song sheets together again. The stapler blatantly refused, and locked up again in mid-staple. And so my Dad, being the calm, patient man that he is, smiled nicely at the unco-operative stapler, gently took it up in his hands, and proceeded to bend it into a U-shape.
Needless to say, we are now coping without a stapler. I'm sure we'll get along somehow. A new stapler will probably be purchased later this week; I can only hope it behaves better than its predecessor. At the very least, if it decides to offer any resistance, my Dad can now make valid threats about, "You know what happened to the last stapler that vexed me..."
Today's Lesson: sleep is good. Sleep no longer lets my brain think only along the lines of "Fire bad, tree pretty."
posted by Phillip at 7:17 PM
